


it's okay if I'm hurt (I've patched up the scrapes in my heart)

by LegendaryNonsense



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/F, Gen, Major Character Injury, Memory Loss, Post-Season/Series 05 AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24578107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LegendaryNonsense/pseuds/LegendaryNonsense
Summary: “You should rest, Captain Sharpe.”“Don’t call me that.”- - -“If you are not willing to obey me, I suppose I will simply have to force you.”Sara clenched her jaw. “Do your worst.”“I intend to.”Post-Season 5 AU. Ava's not handling Sara's abduction well. Sara's just trying to go back home.
Relationships: Ava Sharpe & Zari Tomaz | Zari Tarazi, Gideon & Ava Sharpe, Nate Heywood & Ava Sharpe, Nora Darhk & Ava Sharpe, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Comments: 99
Kudos: 253





	1. Chapter 1

“Any news on Sara?” Ava asked, her tired, hoarse voice crawling into the silence. The ex-director leaned against the central console, looking down as the blue hologram of Gideon’s head stared at her.

“Not since you last asked, three minutes and sixteen seconds ago.” The A.I. replied, gazing at the woman’s exhausted face: the bags under her eyes, which seemed much less bright than usual; the far-too-pale skin; the usually perfect golden hair that now looked like it hadn’t been combed in a while.

She was a mess.

“Of course.” The blonde nodded, and a yawl escaped her mouth shortly after. It was getting harder and harder to keep her eyes open. “Gideon, can you make me some coffee at the fabricator, please? I’ll go get it in a few minutes.” She said, her gaze roaming the screen in front of her, even though the sleepiness and a particularly bad headache made it hard for her to process anything.

A long moment of silence followed her request, instead of the quick acquiescence that the woman had expected from Gideon. She looked up, finding the holographic face emanating something akin to hesitation.

Ava frowned. “Gideon?”

Finally, the A.I. spoke. “I don’t believe that to be the appropriate action.” Gideon said, and the blonde’s frown deepened. “My monitoring of your physical state informs me that your blood pressure has exceeded the healthy level, as did your body temperature.” When she spoke again, the holographic face looked almost soft. “You should rest, Captain Sharpe.”

“Don’t call me that.”

The words came out hostile, irritated, like a reflex she was unable to contain. Her body stiffened, and her hands fisted over the console, knuckles turning white.

 _Captain Sharpe_. It sounded wrong, like something out of another universe, or even from a reality altered by an anachronism. It _was_ wrong. The Captain title was reserved for someone else.

Someone who wasn’t around.

Not for the first time that day, Ava felt tears stinging her eyes, her shoulders trembling. She took a deep breath, trying to keep herself calm, to keep herself from crying again. Because crying like a child wouldn’t bring Sara back.

“As you wish, Ms. Sharpe.” Gideon spoke again. Ava had almost forgotten that she was still there at all.

The blonde nodded, pushing herself away from the console. The world spun around her, and Ava stumbled, falling forward. Someone caught her.

She looked up at the owner of the arms that steadied her. Nora stared back at her with distressed green eyes and a sad smile. The shorter woman was still dressed in light-blue clothes – still a fairy godmother, it seemed.

Ava blinked, not quite believing what she was seeing. “What’re you doing here?” She asked, her words a bit slurred. The sleepiness was catching up to her faster than she’d thought it would.

Nora squeezed her arm. “Nate called me.” Ava took too long to understand her friend’s soft words, maybe, but, when she did, the blonde looked over the brunette’s shoulder to find said man standing a few feet away.

Nate swallowed when he realized that she was looking at him but remained otherwise motionless, his arms crossed. There were dark circles around his eyes, almost as deep and dark as hers, and a redness in them told her that he’d been crying as well. Concern was spilling from his face.

Then, Nora squeezed her arm again, and Ava turned to her best friend. “You look like hell.” The ex-witch said, but, despite the words, her voice was soft, gentle.

“And I feel like it.” Ava even had enough experience with literal hell to compare.

She let out a bitter chuckle, remembering her experience at that place. It had happened because, just like now, she had failed to save Sara, to protect the woman she loved.

She seemed to fail at it often nowadays.

Still, she looked at Nora, at the friend she hadn’t seen in person in so long, and tried to smile. “So, how’s married life?” Ava asked, though she knew that her fake smile was convincing no one.

Nora was nice enough to humor her, even if her grin looked just as strained as Ava’s. “Like I need to tell you. You and Sara are practically married already.”

Hearing those words was like taking a knife right to the heart, and the unshed tears that had been gathering in her eyes finally spilled. Nora wiped a few of those with gentle hands, her eyes holding no judgement to the taller woman’s emotional state.

“C’mon.” The fairy godmother said in a soft voice. “You need to get some rest.” Then, Nora tried to guide her away from the console, towards Nate.

“I have to...” Ava tried to argue, but her best friend was having none of it.

Nora put her hands on both of Ava’s shoulders, forcing the blonde to look at her. “The only thing you have to do right now is sleep.” Again, the ex-director tried to argue, only for her words to die on her tongue when Nora continued to talk. “You won’t get anything done if you can’t even stand on your own.”

Ava’s shoulders sagged. There was little she could say to retort, and she knew it. So, she nodded, and Nora smiled at her, wrapping one of the ex-director’s arms around her shoulders in order to better support the weight of her exhausted body.

They had barely taken three steps when the ex-witch found reason to complain, though her voice tried to sound playful. “When did you get so heavy? Nate!” She called, looking at the man ahead.

He rushed to them. “I’m on it!” The historian then took Ava in his arms, bridal style, and while normally she would complain, she was too tired to do so right now.

So, Ava let Nate take her to hers and Sara’s quarters, Nora following closely behind. Finally, the man laid her on her bed – her bed that was far too big without Sara on it – and stood beside it with the ex-witch.

“Now, sleep. We’ll wake you up if we find something.” The fairy godmother promised.

Ava frowned. “You’re staying?”

“Of course I am, and so is Ray.” The brunette rolled her eyes, as if offended that Ava would even think otherwise. “It looks like you need all the help you can get, and we can’t just do nothing.”

Ava eyed her best friend’s blue clothing through a blurred vision, remembering something.

“What about the kids?” The ex-director asked. Nora was a fairy godmother, and a busy one at that. Could she really afford to simply take off?

“I’ll manage.” The shorter woman shrugged. “Now, sleep.”

Ava shuddered at the idea. There was a reason why she had preferred working herself to the bone instead of taking a simple nap – other than finding Sara as quickly as possible, of course. She could still see it in her dreams, the love of her life being torn apart by zombies, being snatched away by aliens.

She didn’t want to see it again. She didn’t want to sleep.

“I can’t...” Ava tried to say, but Nora interrupted her by producing her shiny blue and silver wand.

“Nate.” The fairy godmother called, turning to the silent historian.

“I wish for Ava to sleep.” The words had barely left his mouth when Ava felt herself sinking into a peaceful, dreamless rest.

**\- LOT -**

“ _SARA!_ ”

Ava shot up from the bed at the sound of the piercing scream. It took her far more time than it should’ve to realize that it was her own, leaving her with a sore throat. She reached for the other side of the bed, finding it empty once again.

It was times such as these that made her miss Sara the most. She missed the way the tiny assassin’s arms felt around her, missed the smaller blonde’s gentle words of reassurance, missed those most beautiful blue eyes, inside which she could simply lose herself forever.

She just _missed Sara_ and wished for her to come back, to be safe and happy with their little family of misfits. Ava wished to take her girlfriend in her arms and never let go. She wished...

The former director of the Time Bureau stopped herself, a sudden idea shining light into her brain.

 _Wish_.

“Gideon, where’s Nora?” She asked, already kicking the sheets away. Nate and Nora hadn’t bothered to change her clothes and, still dressed in her rumpled pantsuit, Ava got up.

The answer came almost immediately. “Mrs. Darhk is with the team at the galley, Ms. Sharpe.”

Ava nodded and left the room with newfound purpose, walking through the unusually silent corridors of the Waverider until she reached her destination.

She found all the Legends gathered around the big round table, uncharacteristically quiet. Behrad nibbled on a donut with little enthusiasm, and Mick was, as usual, drinking his beer, but the rest of the team seemed less than interested in food or drink.

Ava wasn't the only one who was missing Sara, after all.

Upon noticing the presence of the newcomer, Nora stood up and rushed to her. Only then did the others notice Ava’s arrival.

“Hey, did you sleep well?” Nora asked, rubbing Ava’s arm.

The ex-director took a deep breath. “Can you bring her back?” She asked, seeing the other woman paralyze at the question. It should have been enough of an answer, but she still refused to give up on her brief glimpse of hope. “What if- what if we wish for Sara to come back? Can you do that?”

Nora looked away, as if she couldn’t bear to see the vain hope in her best friend’s eyes destroyed, and Ava felt her heart break all over again.

“We tried that already, while you were sleeping.” Nate’s voice was little more than a whisper, and Ava turned to him. The man had his head down, shoulders slumped, his arms on the table.

She had never seen him so defeated. She had never seen _the Legends_ so defeated.

“Something’s interfering with my magic.” Nora explained.

Ava took a deep breath. “Great.” Her voice trembled, and she felt herself on the verge of crying. _Again_.

Nora put a hand on her shoulder, catching Ava’s attention. “Hey, don’t lose hope. Sara is out there somewhere, and there’s no way in hell she’s not looking for a way to come back to you.”

Despite everything, Ava nodded. She knew of Sara’s abilities and knew that the other woman was no damsel in distress. Still... _aliens_? Who knew what they were capable of? Even then, she figured that she ought to have some faith in her girlfriend, who had survived demons and gods alike.

If someone could get through this, it was her Sara. Or that was what she was trying to convince herself of.

Finally, the former director let Nora pull her toward the table, and she took the vacant seat between the fairy godmother and Constantine. No one said a word, and the heavy silence was only broken when Mick got up and went to the fabricator, coming back with two bottles of beer.

He offered one to Ava, and the woman shook her head, remembering the intoxicated state she had been in when her girlfriend was abducted. “Thanks, Mickey, but I don’t think I’ll be drinking again any time soon.”

The man stared at her for a short moment, frowning, but finally he nodded and went back to his seat between Nate and Astra. Tension filled the air, making it heavy, almost suffocating.

Nate, sitting not too far away from Ava, broke the silence. “You... you know that what happened wasn’t your fault...” He looked at the former director, his eyes full of worry. “Don’t you, Ava?”

She kept quiet, knowing that her voice would break if she tried to talk. It was answer enough.

Behrad, sitting between Zari and Astra, tried to reach for her hand, but he was too far away. “Hey, it wasn’t your fault.” He still said, sounding so confident that she almost managed to believe him.

Almost.

“Who else’s would it be?” Ava’s soft whisper sounded like a scream in the tense silence.

Constantine, of all people, put a hand on her shoulder. “Sharpie...”

She knew what he was going to say. The same thing Behrad and Nate had told her, the very same thing she couldn’t bring herself to believe. Because she needed someone to blame, and who could she blame other than herself?

“She was right behind us!” Ava finally snapped, interrupting John before he could speak another word. Everyone, even Mick and Astra, looked at her with wide eyes. “She was abducted right under my nose and I didn’t even notice it!”

Nothing was as clear in her mind as the memory of the footage that Gideon had shown her. Sara, being taken away by an unknown blueish light as the other Legends, including Ava herself, went on without her.

Why hadn't Ava turned around? Why hadn't she noticed that her girlfriend was missing?

Why hadn't she been able to save her?

Constantine squeezed her shoulder a bit too hard, and she almost flinched. Then, she turned to him.

“What the bloody hell do you think you could have done?” He questioned, sounding irritated, but no aggressive intonation could hide the mixture of sympathy and pain she saw in his eyes.

She looked away and grabbed her own hair. “I don’t know! Something, anything!” The ex-director took a deep breath. She couldn’t cry, _couldn’t cry_ – not again, not right now. “She was drunk, and she was confused, and she...”

Ava remembered the image of Sara floating away, her short legs moving as if she were still trying to walk. She doubted that her girlfriend had even understood what was happening at the time, and it made everything even worse.

She sighed. “I should’ve done something. I should’ve protected her.”

It always came down to that. Her absolute inability to be a good girlfriend, to protect Sara like the shorter woman did for her. How could the captain have fallen in love with someone like her?

A hand was placed over hers on the table, and Ava turned to Ray, who sat on the other side of Nora. He proceeded to speak with his gentle, calming voice. “Ava, you can’t possibly think...”

Someone interrupted him, and it wasn’t Ava.

“Do you blame us?” Zari, who was sitting between John and Behrad, asked, her voice like steel.

Ava turned to her, her eyebrows shooting to her hairline. “What?”

“Do you blame us?” The shorter woman repeated. “For letting Sara get abducted?”

Ava’s response was immediate. “No! Of course not.”

How could she? They were all as drunk and/or high as Sara. How could they have noticed?

Zari continued to speak; her voice still steady “Because we were all there. I wasn’t even drunk or high like you guys were, Ava. And I didn’t notice anything.” The ex-director’s mouth opened and closed as she tried to find a retort, and Zari went on. “We had just defeated literal gods and saved the world. What reason did we have to even think _aliens_ would go around kidnapping people that night?” The former celebrity sighed. “If what happened to Sara is your fault, then it’s ours too.”

Ava stared at the other woman, speechless, and her suddenly empty mind didn’t seem capable of providing an argument. So, she remained silent and leaned her head against Nora’s when the fairy godmother rested her head on the ex-director’s shoulder. Constantine squeezed her arm once more, and she then put a hand over his.

Maybe it wasn’t the time to look for someone to blame, and maybe, just maybe, there was no one to blame at all.

The silence remained, interrupted only by the noise of Mick still drinking his beer. Nate had laid his head on his arms, which were crossed over the table, and Ray put a hand on his shoulder while his free arm was around Nora’s shoulders. Behrad had abandoned his half-eaten donut. Astra was just quiet, and she avoided looking at Ava – most probably, the other woman simply didn’t know what to say, and the ex-director couldn’t fault her for that. Zari, for her part, was leaning on Constantine, who kept an arm around her shoulders.

None of them were fine. Sara was the very soul of the team and, without her, they were all just... _lost_.

Still, they had to get through this. And they would. Together.

**\- LOT -**

Ava woke up screaming again, her skin coated in cold sweat. She reached for the other side of the bed, but her fingers grasped empty sheets. Sara was nowhere to be found, hadn’t been in a while.

 _Breath in. Breath out._ Ava told herself, trying to calm her ragged breathing.

Tears gathered in the blonde’s eyes. Her nightmare had changed – it had started like a dream, with her being able to reach Sara and save her from the zombies. Happiness had bubbled inside her as she finally took the tiny assassin in her arms, holding her like she never wanted to let go.

_Breath in. Breath out._

But, then... then she couldn’t move, paralysis turning her entire body into stone.

_Breath in..._

And unhuman hands grabbed Sara, pulling her away, taking her to somewhere Ava couldn’t ever follow. Sara vanished in thin air, looking at her girlfriend one last time with a mix of betrayal and pain in those beautiful blue eyes, and Ava was left alone in the dark.

_Breath... out..._

Alone. Useless. Unable to protect the woman she loved.

_Breath..._

She was crying, every sob ravaging her trembling body. The former director sat up and pulled her legs closer, hugging them to her chest. Tears slid copiously down her face, like an endless waterfall.

Three knocks on the door made her look up. She considered sending whoever it was away – quite honestly, she didn’t have the emotional stability to deal with anyone right now, not even a Legend – but stopped herself at the last moment. What if this was about Sara?

A tentative hope blossomed in Ava's chest, and she forced herself to take a deep breath and wipe her tear-stained face quickly. “Come in!” She said, and the doors opened soon after.

Nate stood in the doorway, his arms around his own body. He was wearing his Steel pajamas, a product of the Legends’ brief experience with fame.

“Is it Sara?” Ava asked, although her hope was already waning. Nate would be far more joyful if he had any good news about their captain.

“No.” He shook his head, looking apologetic. “Sorry, Ava. There’s still nothing. I just-” He looked away, uncomfortable. His following words were nothing more than a brittle whisper. “I heard you screaming.”

He sounded worried, and she hid her face in her hands. No one was supposed to know about the nightmares.

“Did I wake you up?” She asked. His quarters were far from her own, but, if he had heard it, then so did the rest of the Legends. The possibility made her wince.

He took a step into the room, and the lights finally came on. “No, I...” He took a deep breath, and Ava looked up. Nate stared at her with tired eyes and the face of someone who had recently cried. “I was just taking a walk, and I heard you.”

He didn’t sound or look fine. Ava wasn’t the only one who had lost someone recently, after all.

She felt her body relax a little, despite everything. “Can’t sleep?” The ex-director asked, her voice as soft as she could possibly manage, and as gentle as he deserved from her.

His answering smile was a broken little thing. “Neither can you, it seems.”

Ava chuckled, though the sound appeared melancholic even to her own ears. She then tapped the empty side of the bed in a silent request, which he was quick to obey. The mattress dipped under his weight, and the duo stood there, sitting together in the silent room.

She looked at him, finding his sadness far too similar to her own. “Want to talk?” Nate didn’t reply, and she saw him take a deep breath to keep himself from crying. Ava frowned and moved closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, are you okay?” She asked.

Because talking about someone else’s feelings was far better than discussing her own.

Because she cared about Nate – he was like the little brother she had never really wanted but was stuck with anyway, and she was happy for that. He annoyed the hell out of her at times, like when he made her listen to the song-that-shall-not-be-named ( _baby move your butt, butt, butt_ ) and she ended up with it stuck in her head for hours. Still, there was little she wouldn’t do for him, and she knew he felt the same.

“I am.” Nate said, and it must have shown in Ava’s face that she didn’t believe him, because he sighed. “I mean, I’m trying to be. This is what she always wanted: to save her family, to save B. And she did it.” The smile that appeared on his face wasn’t fake, but it wasn’t joyful either.

Ava squeezed his shoulder, encouraging him to continue.

He wiped away the tears that had started to flow. “And I’m happy for her, I’m seriously so damn proud of her, because this was her dream, but I just...” He swallowed, his next words dying on his tongue.

She knew what he meant, to some extent. Ava was closer to Zari Tarazi than she had been to Zari Tomaz, but, while she had grown to love Zari in all her somewhat eccentric diva glory, she was no replacement for Z and her snarky, donut-loving self.

“You miss her.” It wasn’t a question, but Nate still nodded. “I miss her too.”

Suddenly, it felt like they had lost far too many Legends in so little time: Charlie had returned to their band; Ray and Nora had left to live their married life, even though they had gone back temporarily; Z had returned to the air totem in order to save her brother; Sara had been abducted by freaking _aliens_.

She didn’t understand how this had happened.

Nate cleared his throat, and Ava turned to him again. “Getting my memories of her back is great, but it also... it _sucks_. I wouldn’t want to live without them, but... it kinda hurts.” The ex-director felt for him, and she grabbed his hand in support. “I should be used to it by now.”

Ava frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I keep falling in love with people who have to leave me.” Nate explained, and Ava was reminded that it wasn’t the first time something like this happened to him. “Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade the time I had with Z for anything in the entire universe.” Even now, he still smiled thinking about her, though the smile was short-lived. “I just wish...” _that she hadn’t had to leave me_.

She didn't know how to answer that, so she squeezed his hand in support.

“You’ll find someone.” She found herself saying before she could stop herself. “I know it, because... because I did.” He stared at her, confused, and she tried to smile. “I never thought I would fall in love, Nate. I don’t think it was something that Rip had planned for me.”

Then, she grinned to herself, remembering the wonderful woman who had changed that.

“But I found Sara.” Remembering her hurt, because it meant remembering that she wasn’t around, but it was also everything that kept Ava going. “And she was such a pain in my ass at the start, but then...” She took a deep breath. “Then I woke up one day, and I couldn’t imagine a world without her.”

It was hard to pinpoint the moment she fell in love with Sara. Ava had started to respect her when the former assassin handed Rip over to the Time Bureau. A while after that, she had felt the need to express her condolences to Sara when Dr. Martin Stein died, because, despite their different methods of handling the same job, Ava had known even then that Sara loved and valued her team more than anything. And then, the taller woman disobeyed orders to save the tiny assassin.

And everything went on from there.

It felt like so long ago.

Ava took a deep breath, and she turned to Nate again. The smile that appeared on her face was still smeared with sadness, but it was also full of hope.

“Nate, I’m a clone.” She said, and he nodded in confusion. “I’m a clone from the future, programmed to not have emotions, at all. And now I’m in love with the most beautiful, selfless and strong woman I ever had the luck to meet.”

Sometimes, Ava felt like she didn’t deserve Sara, like the captain would be better-off with someone else, someone better. Still, the ex-director would love the former assassin for as long as she was allowed to, because there was no feeling in the world that compared to being able to love Sara Lance.

And she wished her friend would find something like that.

“You’ll find someone too.” She found herself promising him. “Someone who won’t have to leave you.”

Because, if Ava, who hadn’t even been created for the prospect of love, could find it, why couldn’t this hopeless romantic of a historian?

Nate nodded, a small smile appearing on his face, even as tears continued to slide down his cheeks. “Thanks, Ava.” He said, his voice slightly hoarse, and he squeezed her hand.

She nodded, silent. Then, the man stood up, always slower than he could be, hesitant, and he started to walk out of the room.

Ava stopped him. “Do you want to stay?” She asked on a whim but found that the prospect was better than being alone. The room was far too big and too dark without Sara. “We could talk until we fall asleep.”

An easy smile appeared again on Nate’s face, replacing the previous sadness, and he pointed a finger at her. “Hold that thought.” Then, he turned around and left in a hurry.

Ava blinked.

It took about twenty minutes for Nate to come back, his shiny steel form dragging a mattress into the room. Ava immediately recognized the brand name sewn on the side of it, and the ex-director found herself smiling despite everything. It was the one from the promo code on her podcast.

“You actually bought it?” She asked, her eyebrows shooting to the hairline.

He dropped the mattress beside the bed. “It was a great discount.” He spoke, steel turning to flesh again.

Ava chuckled, and she found that her chest didn’t feel as heavy. “Where did you get the money?” The blonde had barely asked the question when the answer appeared on her mind, and she replied at the same time Nate did:

“ _Mick_.”

Both of them laughed softly, and when the sound faded, Nate left the room again, announcing his need to go get his pillow and covers. He returned not long after that, throwing himself on the mattress without a care in the world.

The silence returned and, with it, the weight of the memories and the pain attached to it. Ava couldn’t bring herself to be the first to talk, mostly because she didn’t know what to say.

“So, I was thinking...” Nate broke the silence, and Ava mentally thanked him for doing so. “Gilles de Rais.” He said, in an actual decent French accent, and the blonde turned on her side and rested her head on her hand, looking at him. She raised an eyebrow at the man who was beaming at her. “He served as a commander in the French army during the Hundred Years’ War. Like, he even fought alongside Jeanne D’Arc!” Again, his French pronounce of the name was passable. “But, after the war was over, he was accused of murdering, like, hundreds of children. He’d make for a good theme for an episode. You could even make a miniseries about historical figures, and...”

Nate kept rambling; his voice filled with infectious enthusiasm. Ava knew what he was doing, of course. Talking about StabCast and planning its new episodes with so much passion – he wanted to distract her, and maybe even distract himself.

She didn’t call him out on it. Instead, Ava found herself smiling through unshed tears and listening intently to his ideas, even presenting some of her own.

The pain in her chest was still there, heavy and burning a hole into her soul. Still, she could survive one more night – for the Legends, for Sara, and for herself.

**\- LOT -**

“There’s an incoming transmission from an unknown source, Ms. Sharpe.”

Ava sighed, feeling a familiar headache make its comeback. She pinched the bridge of her nose, wondering what threat to the timeline would be thrown at her now. Standing in front of the console and beside the ex-director, Nate was the one to speak.

“Put it on, Gideon.”

Blue eyes snapped up when a familiar voice filled the silence.

“ _Hey, guys, it’s me. So, you better have noticed already, but I was kinda kidnapped by aliens..._ ”


	2. Chapter 2

Sara felt her head throb, and she didn’t know if it was the hangover or the punch that some soon-to-be corpse had resorted to in order to wake her up. She felt a familiar metallic taste in her mouth and spat out the blood that had filled it. Finally, she turned to her aggressor.

Her vision was still a bit of a blur, but not enough for her to confuse what was in front of her with a human being. It was far too big, easily twice the ex-assassin’s size, and very, very bulky. It had no nose, and in its place were two small slits, like a snake’s, along with yellow narrow eyes. There was no neck, as well, and the being had a slightly triangular head, thinner at the top. The skin had a metallic sheen, reflecting the light pouring over it, and it was pitch black, like oil.

The creature was wearing some kind of armor, which was painted in an dim shade of gold, and it stood in the middle of a chamber with dark metal walls, with wires and unknown devices in sight, similar to the interior of the Waverider. Okay, so it wasn’t a magical creature, then.

Probably an alien. As least it wasn’t a Dominator. She’d had enough of those to last her a lifetime.

Just as Sara’s mind regained the capacity for coherent thinking, she was able to remember. It was a blur, but the memory of being pulled up by an unknown blue light was hard to forget. She looked again at the creature in front of her – yep, definitely an alien.

The ex-assassin sighed and closer her eyes. She had just wanted to go on vacation.

Sara turned to the alien in front of her again. The creature stared at her with weird eyes that didn’t seem to really see her. It appeared strangely... mechanical? She didn’t know if that was the correct word. It just didn’t seem to be very... sharp, perhaps.

Even so, as she opened her mouth to speak, to demand that it tell her what was happening, another voice broke the silence.

“It’s good to see you awake, Sara Lance.” It was a low sound, distant from a human voice.

The ex-assassin frowned at the alien in front of her, but the creature hadn’t moved its mouth, from which sharp, large teeth protruded. No, it hadn’t been the one to speak.

Blue eyes searched around the room. “Who are you?” She asked, though she could see no one but the being in front of her, standing still, almost like a statue if not for its steady breathing.

When the inhuman voice sounded again, Sara realized that it came from everywhere, much similar to Gideon. “I am known as the Complex-Complex.”

The ex-assassin pressed her lips together to avoid laughing. “Okay...” So, she kind of thought that it was a stupid name, but hey, who was she to judge alien customs? Although this particular alien _had kidnapped_ her, so maybe her attitude towards it wasn’t so reproachable.

The disembodied voice continued to speak. It didn't seem to have heard her. “You must be curious as to why you’re here in my-” She interrupted the alien.

“Yeah, I wasn’t going to say anything, but...” Sara tried to shrug, although it was a bit difficult in her current position.

She was trapped against a wall; wrists, waist and ankles chained closely to the cold surface behind her back. These guys weren’t underestimating her, it seemed. They must have been aware of what she was capable of.

The disembodied voice spoke again. “Do not interrupt me. Do not talk unless instructed to do so.” It seemed to have given up on its attempt at courtesy, anger dripping from the sound even as Sara couldn’t see who spoke the words.

Once again, the captain tried to shrug. “I’ve never been good at following orders.” As soon as she finished speaking those words, the creature previously motionless as a rock in front of her moved, delivering a sure blow to her jaw, making her head turn to the side.

Fuck, the alien had a mean punch. It seemed to be far stronger than the average human being. But Sara was used to pain, had endured many years of it, and so she did nothing more than turn to the creature in front of her again and plaster her best smirk on her face, blood dripping from her chin.

“Is that all you got?” She raised an eyebrow, but the alien remained still, watching her with those eyes that didn’t appear to really see her.

The only sound to interrupt the silence was a disembodied humming. “Um... You are exactly what I had expected.” The unhuman voice stated, no longer sounding angry. Instead, it simply appeared thoughtful. “You will serve me well.”

So, _that_ was what it was about. Sara let out a disdainful chuckle. It wouldn’t be the first time that someone tried to use her for her particular skillset.

But Sara Lance had put her days as a mercenary assassin behind her a long time ago.

She looked up, at the ceiling, a wayward smirk in her face. “I have no intention of serving people who kidnap me. If you wanted my services, you could have just given me a call.” All it took was a small change of inflection for the sneering tone in her voice to start dripping with poison. “Sure, I don’t think you’d be able to afford it.”

The silence lasted for a long minute, and Sara began to wonder if Complex-Complex (still a stupid name, in her opinion) would no longer talk. But, then, the disembodied voice echoed through the room again, a terribly patronizing tone ingrained in the sound.

“It appears that I was unclear.” It said, and it sounded like an adult talking to a child. Sara wanted to punch it, whoever or whatever it was. “You _will_ serve me. You do not have a choice.”

If this weirdo was under the impression that she’d simply surrender and obey it with no resistance, it had another thing coming.

**\- LOT -**

The spaceship in which Sara was a prisoner was heading for a place called Warworld, where she’d be forced to play gladiator in a stupid tournament. Complex-Complex appeared to need the prize money for some project it was developing. All-in-all, the whole thing was terribly unoriginal.

Needless to say, Complex-Complex hadn’t been happy when the ex-assassin assorted that no, she wouldn’t be its goose that laid golden eggs. The disembodied voice then announced the beginning of a protocol whose name she didn’t understand.

That was the reason for her current predicament.

Sara was lying on a cold, hard metal table, her wrists and ankles chained to it. There was a myriad of unknown devices around her, the only things to occupy the vast, all-white chamber that looked so different from the rest of the ship.

She tried to control the trepidation that was bubbling in her chest as one of the guards, maybe the same one she had seen when she first woke up, connected strange, cold gadgets to her head. Then, the alien did the same to her neck and arms.

Sara found herself repressing a wince. Instead, she asked. “What’re you going to do?”

The answer didn’t come until the silent guard moved away, leaving the captain's view.

“If you are not willing to obey me, I suppose I will simply have to force you.” Complex-Complex stated, with that same condescending tone still in its voice.

Sara clenched her jaw. “Do your worst.”

There was a hint of barely disguised as mirth in the answer that followed. “I intend to.”

Then Sara heard a bloodcurdling scream. The sound was raw and tormented, and it took her maybe too long to notice that it was her own, tearing through her throat as every nerve in her body seemed to rip itself apart. Her eyes had screwed shut, and her back had arched, every muscle straining.

And then, suddenly, it was over.

Her body collapsed on the table once again, and she was gasping, struggling to breathe. The ghost of the pain remained under her skin, almost like a weak electric shock. A layer of sweat appeared on her forehead.

There was a deafening ringing in her ears, and the ex-assassin barely heard the disembodied voice that interrupted the absolute silence in the room. “So, you _are_ able to react to pain.”

It took the captain a second too long to remember who spoke. Finally, she forced herself to control her erratic breathing and school her features. She _refused_ to let that monster get the best of her.

So, Sara forced a smirk to her lips, even if it paled in comparison to her usual ones. “Is that really your plan?” Her attempt to look confident was weakened by the uncontrollable tremor in her voice and her still heavy breathing, but she forced herself to continue. “Torture me to do what you want? Because it’ll never happen.”

Something that sounded distinctly like a laugh echoed through the room.

“No.” Complex-Complex replied, its voice filled with satisfaction. “That would be too simplistic. The pain is merely a part of the process.” The disembodied voice clarified. “When it comes to an end, you will obey every single order I give, Sara Lance of Earth.”

Once again, the ex-assassin tightened her jaw and, when she spoke again, it was between clenched teeth. “We’ll see about that.”

Complex-Complex hadn’t seen the best of her yet. And, more than that, the alien had not seen the best of the _Legends_ yet. The ex-assassin had no doubt that her team, her _family_ , would come after her and, until they did, she’d do everything she could in order to make it easier for them.

No, that alien had _no fucking idea_ of what it had started.

“Indeed, we will.” The disembodied voice replied, unconcerned, and Sara hated it for that.

Then, another scream filled the white room and, this time, it didn’t stop.

**\- LOT -**

Sara was lying on a pool table – she knew she was, she could feel the cloth under her body, even though she couldn’t see it. She could also feel hands, multiple hands that weighted down her body, pinning her in place. Uncontrolled hands grapping and pulling her, with nails that teared her skin.

Then, something grabbed at her face. _Teeth_. Teeth that closed around the skin of her cheek, pulling and pulling until it torn apart.

“ _SARA!_ ”

The captain’s eyes shot open, and she fought to push herself away from the surface she had been leaning against, but restraints prevented her from doing so. She looked around, gasping for air.

She was back at her cell. Yes, back at her cell – in a spaceship. Not at that pub.

Not at that pub, and Ava wasn’t screaming her name.

 _Ava_.

Sara screwed her eyes shut and tried to concentrate on her girlfriend, on the fading memory of the voice of the woman she loved with her entire heart. She tried to focus on _something_ , an important memory at least.

The voice that spoke in her head was too similar to her own for her to pretend she still remembered what Ava’s voice was like.

‘ _As far- co-cap- or life._ ’ The broken phrase brought a tingle to her little finger, but she didn't know why anymore.

Her mind was like that now, nearly unable to think of memories that were more than simply a few incoherent words and broken sentences. But she still knew why, was still aware of what was going on.

It had only taken one session for her to realize what that horrible machine was doing to her brain. The fact that she could no longer remember Ava’s gentle words, or her face, or even her surname, was enough.

Complex-Complex was erasing her memories. The _fucking monster_ was taking them away.

Sara clenched her jaw as she remembered her situation. She had to do something – something that could help her team to find her. Because, even as she had trouble remembering them, the captain knew that they would never abandon her. 

Yes, she had a plan. That much she still remembered.

So, she waited. She had realized, after the second session, that it never took too long for the aliens to come and pick her up for a new one. Then, they’d bring her back to her cell after she fainted.

It was only one of the many things she had noticed during her stay in that nightmare of a spaceship, the second being that the aliens – the _Citadelians_ , Complex-Complex informed – were _very_ dumb. Apparently, they were not a real race; just the product of badly done cloning, and each generation was less intelligent than the previous one.

Complex-Complex was the only one that was still capable of some coherent line of thought, since it was the original, and it was the one who gave the orders, while the others simply obeyed.

That was all she needed.

Because Sara had a plan. And Complex-Complex had no idea of what would be coming for him.

**\- LOT -**

Waiting for an opportunity was the hardest part. Knowing that each moment she wasted in waiting robbed her of a precious memory was terrible. Still, Sara forced herself to do just that. She could not afford to be reckless, not with this.

In the meantime, she tried to keep her mind working, to keep her memories from abandoning her. Therefore, she started a list – a list of people who were dear to her.

Sara could still remember her sister. Laurel Lance was the most vivid memory she kept, although the sound of her voice had long since disappeared from the captain’s mind and her face had turned into a bit of blur.

Then, there were her parents. Sara still remembered Quentin, remembered his bald head, and that he was a captain, just like her. Dinah, on the other hand, was nothing but a blur, a name she could no longer connect to an actual person, though she was no less precious to the ex-assassin for that.

There was also her team. It was taking more and more time, more guesses, for Sara to remember what they were called, but she still did. _Legends_. They were the Legends.

She tried to list the current formation. There was a historian who could turn into something, some kind of metal. There was also a pair of siblings, and she still remembered that the name of one of them started with a z, and that the letter was also a part of their surname. There was a bald man... who liked fire? She was no longer sure if that was right. Then, there was a man in a stupid trench coat who spoke things in a language that she didn’t understand. And someone whose appearance was never clear in the captain’s head – but that one had left the team, hadn’t them?

Finally, there was a woman whose name she could no longer remember, but whom still made her heart race whenever the faint thought of her entered the ex-assassin’s mind. The meaning that the person had to Sara was foggy, but her fading memory was enough to remind the captain that she couldn’t give up, not now.

And there was also a word. Whenever she thought of the mysterious woman, a single word, filled with a meaning that Sara no longer understood, was whispered in her mind by a voice she couldn’t remember anymore.

‘ _Always_.’

It sounded like a promise. And Sara intended to keep it.

**\- LOT -**

Sara had been doing her daily listing when the Citadelians came for her. The ex-assassin allowed herself to be removed from her restraints and dragged out of the cell.

At that point, the ship's corridors were the only thing that was still completely familiar to her, and, when they reached a specific point, the captain smiled. It was time.

Sara kicked the back of the knee of one of the guards, whom had been keeping a much looser grip on her arm for the past few days. Its legs bent and it fell on the floor, releasing her. Her arm freed, the ex-assassin pulled out the gun that the alien kept strapped to its back and pointed it to the other one, who was still holding her.

When she pulled the trigger, a green flash hit the creature, and it fell to the ground, smoke coming from its open chest. Then, she shot the one whom she had stolen the gun from.

“What are you doing?” The disembodied voice, the one whose owner had the only name Sara still remembered – _Complex-Complex_ – questioned, sounding livid.

The ex-assassin smirked. “Why don’t you find out?”

Sara then ran to the closest chamber, which she knew to be the communications room. There were no creatures inside, since none were smart enough to use the devices, and the captain elbowed the electronic lock as soon as the automatic door closed behind her, locking it.

Less than a second later, the Citadelians appeared, charging tirelessly at the door. Sara paid them no mind and instead rushed to the panel on the opposite side of the room. She had to be quick.

“What do you think you can do with that, you insignificant human?” Complex-Complex asked as she pressed buttons haphazardly on the panel. It was a system somewhat similar to that ship Sara once had, and the captain thanked her lucky stars that the alien had found it useful to erase solely her emotional memories but not the practical ones.

Her smirk widened. “You’ll see.”

The Citadelians continued to try to knock the door down, and Sara managed to make a connection to the ship she was looking for. A name appeared on the screen.

 _Waverider_. Sara liked that name. It made a warm and pleasant feeling spread across her chest.

But her hands kept moving over the keyboard, fast and precise, and the disembodied voice spoke again. “They won’t save you.” It stated, sounding angrier at each word. “Disgusting humans will never be able to challenge us Citadelians.”

Sara then looked over her shoulder, at the door that was already starting to crumble. There was a small window in it, and she could see the angry creatures outside.

The captain looked up for a second, still smirking. “I can see that.” Then, she turned to the screen again.

No matter what she pressed, she couldn't make a direct connection. That option was locked away. Sara cursed her bad luck, but her brain was already trying to find another option.

Then, an idea lit up in her mind. _A message_. Yes, she could send a message.

Sara pressed the necessary buttons and the recording started.

“Hey, guys, it’s me.” She smirked at the camera, despite her growing exhaustion. “So, you better have noticed already, but I was kinda kidnapped by aliens...” Sara gasped, still trying to catch her breath.

Complex-Complex interrupted her. “It will never work. It will-”

“Shut up. I’m on the middle of something.” She retorted before turning to the camera once again. “Look, the truth is...” She took a deep breath. “I don’t remember you guys all that much anymore. I don’t remember your names, and I don’t remember your faces. But I know-”

She looked over her shoulder when a particularly loud hit reached her ears. She was running out of time.

Sara turned to the camera again.

“I know that I love you and that you love me too. The aliens who kidnapped me are called Citadelians. They’re really dumb...”

“How dare you?” Once again, the disembodied voice interrupted her, but she ignored it.

“But they’re erasing my memories.” Sara went on. “They want me to do something for them, so they’re erasing my memories of you guys. Just...” Again, she took a deep breath. “Be quick, okay? I think you can trace this message or, I don’t know, _something_. But, in case I don’t make it, just know that...”

Her heart was pounding against her ribcage at the sound at the door being torn down behind her. Still, she had something to say, something important. Just in case.

“Know that all of you are very important to me.”

Because they were. They were everything she still had. The feeling they brought her, even without the exact memories to invoke it, that was enough for her. And she wanted them to know that.

Her finger hovered over the ‘send’ button when something else crossed her mind.

‘ _Always._ ’

That person. That woman who meant something very special to Sara.

“And to this beautiful woman who still makes my heart race, even if I don’t quite remember her anymore...” Again, she looked over her shoulder for a moment, seeing that the door was almost open. Then, Sara turned to the camera again. “I don’t know what I promised you, but I’ll fight to keep it. Always.”

She hoped that this woman, whoever it was, would still understand the meaning of the word.

Sara pressed the ‘send’ button just as the door broke completely, allowing a swarm of angry aliens to get in. She picked up the stolen gun again and pointed at them and started shooting.

She might not know exactly who she was anymore, but the ex-assassin knew that she wasn’t going down without a fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some people asked me for sara's pov and I'm here to deliver. hope you've liked this
> 
> please, please tell me what you think. I'm not sure if this was up to your expectations (honestly, I doubt it), but I tried my best. as you can see, the aliens I chose were the Citadelians, and they actually exist in the dc universe, though my version of them might not be very accurate.
> 
> again, please, tell me what you think, and if you see any mistakes, seeing as, once more, I didn't proof-read before posting. I was just very anxious to post this and, seeing as I don't have nearly enough time during weekdays, it had to be today
> 
> thank you so much for reading. I really do hope that you've enjoyed this. 
> 
> see ya!


	3. Chapter 3

“ _I don’t know what I promised you, but I’ll fight to keep it. Always_.”

The message ended, and the screen turned-off, leaving a dark surface in place of Sara’s face. Ava stood still, staring at it, the ex-assassin’s words rampaging through her mind.

She couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t _breathe_.

Because _Sara was alive_. Sara was alive, but the relief that the knowledge brought her was quickly suffocated by what the captain had said during her message.

The aliens – the Citadelians, as the short blonde had identified them – were erasing her memories, to the point that Sara couldn’t even remember the Legends, or Ava, anymore.

A lump formed in the ex-director’s throat, and she clung to the central console to avoid collapsing on trembling legs. She was feeling light-headed, and it felt like something squeezing inside of her chest, chasing all the oxygen out of her lungs and making her heart hammer painfully against her ribcage.

“Ava?”

It was Nate’s voice, breaking her out of the prison in her own mind as the historian put a hand on her shoulder. She looked at him, finding it hard to see his face through the blur of the tears, though she didn’t need to see properly to recognize the worry emanating from him in waves.

He swallowed, his jaw clenching for a short second before he spoke. “Are you okay?”

She wasn’t, not by a long shot. Ava felt like she was on the verge of crying, bordering on a complete breakdown. And yet, she refused to say so to Nate, or to anyone else.

Because it didn’t matter at the moment – _Ava_ didn’t matter at the moment. All that mattered was Sara and getting to the ex-assassin before the Citadelians could completely strip her of everything that made her _Sara Lance_.

Therefore, she forced herself to swallow the lump in her throat and hastily wiped away the handful of tears that managed to leak from her eyes. Then, Ava nodded to the historian beside her, but his frown indicated that he didn’t believe her one bit.

The ex-director could feel the Legends’ eyes burning holes on her as she took a deep breath. Then, she looked up at the ceiling, even if it was superfluous. “Gideon, can you trace the message?” Her voice came out only a little shaky, but it was still a small victory considering the whirlwind of emotions she was trying to cage in her chest.

“It might take some time, but I’m certainly capable of it.” The always helpful A.I. responded not a heartbeat later, but there was something in her voice that Ava couldn’t quite put a finger on.

The blond woman pushed herself away from the central console. “Great. In the meantime, tell me everything there’s to know about the Citadelians.” She asked, and she found that she wasn’t quite capable of avoiding the poison that dripped from the last word.

Ava then took a deep breath and left the bridge. The sound of footsteps informed her of the group that trailed behind her on the corridor, just as Gideon’s voice made itself heard again.

“The Citadelians are the citizens of the Citadel, a star empire that succeeded to dominate twenty-one of the twenty-two known worlds in the Vega star system.” Gideon informed. “Scholars make comparisons between them and fascism as it is known on Earth.”

Ava felt a chill go down her spine, and a lump formed in her throat. Still, she made herself swallow it and nodded, indicating that Gideon should proceed.

The A.I. was quick to abide. “Members of the Citadel are not a true race. According to the records I’ve assembled, they are clones of the Citadel progenitor, a half-Okaaran-half-Branx being known only as the Complex-Complex.”

Ava stopped walking, and her breath got caught in her throat.

Clone. There was that word again, like a constant reminder that tugged at her heart. She should’ve been used to it by now – to hearing it, to saying it –, but she wasn’t. Perhaps she would never be, not completely.

But it didn’t matter, anyway. All that mattered now was finding Sara and bringing her back home. She could deal with everything else later.

Nate, who had stopped just beside her, put a hand on her shoulder. “Ava?” He called, making her turn to him. The man had a deep crease in his brow. “Are you okay?” He asked again.

She tried and failed to smile at him, but at least she wasn’t crying, she supposed. “Yes, of course.” Ava replied, but the historian didn’t appear to believe her. However, before he could say a word, she spoke again. “Gideon, please, continue.” She asked, if only to stop Nate from questioning her.

“Of course.” The A.I. quickly agreed, though Ava thought she’d heard an atypical kind of wavering encompassing the familiar voice. “As you must know, half-breed beings are often sterile. Seeing as it couldn’t reproduce naturally, Complex-Complex developed cloning technology and began the breed that came to be known as the Citadelians.”

“None of this tells us why the Citadelians abducted Sara.” Ray interjected, his voice coming from a little behind Ava. The ex-director looked at him over her shoulder, finding a frown in his usually happy face.

“As I was saying, Dr. Palmer, the being known as Complex-Complex aged and, nearing its death, it interfaced its body permanently with the computerized nerve center of its world.” Gideon stated in a mildly annoyed tone, less than happy with the interruption. “From then on, the clones started to be made from other clones and, due to a flawed process, each generation became less intelligent than the last. From the Citadel, Complex-Complex was capable of guiding its offspring and using them as vehicles of its unending aggression.”

Behrad, standing on the other side of Ava, was the one to speak then. “Sara said something about them being really dumb.” He stated, looking at the ex-director.

The blond woman simply nodded. She still remembered every bit of the message, as if it had been sewn into her brain.

‘ _They’re really dumb..._ ’. Those were the captain’s words just before another voice interrupted her with a shout of ‘ _How dare you?_ ’. It didn’t sound human, and Ava had an idea of who it had been, now.

She was pulled out of her reminiscing when Nate responded. “Yeah, sure, but how does that have anything to do with them kidnapping our captain?” He asked, exchanging a look with Ray, whose arm tightened a bit around Nora’s shoulders.

Gideon was quick to respond. “The Citadel met its end at the hands of the team known as the Omega Men, who defeated them during the event known intergalactically as the Citadel War. Since then, records show that the spaceship with the last Citadelian survivors is roaming the universe under orders from the mobile planetoid known as Warworld, whose greatest source of income is its well-known gladiator games.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Astra was the one to interject then, a deep frown on her face. “Did I understand this right? These... _aliens_...” She seemed as accepting of their current predicament as Ava felt, in all honesty. “... kidnapped your friend so they could make her fight for them, for what? Money?”

“Precisely.” Gideon replied. “I’d assume that Complex-Complex is interested in reviving its fallen empire, and it will need abundant resources in order to do so.”

Involuntarily, Ava felt her jaw clench as searing anger burst through her chest. Those aliens, those _Citadelians_ , wanted to use Sara as a weapon, just as so many people had done in the past. Because that was all they ever saw in the captain: her unquestionable fighting prowess; her very particular skillset, which was built on blood, sweat and so, so many tears.

And Sara deserved so much more than that, than to be seen as nothing more than a mere weapon, a tool through which some tyrant could get something. Sara _was so much more than that_ , so much more than her abilities, more than what she could do in a battlefield.

Because Sara was _everything_. She was so attentive, caring and selfless, just a few among the many qualities that made her a damn fine captain. She was also the best friend someone could ever hope for, and she would stand by the people that she loved no matter what. She loved so fiercely, despite everything she’d gone through, and Ava felt so grateful every day for having the chance of loving and being loved by that wonderful woman.

Sara was so much more than just an assassin, even if she was also amazing at it. She was a miracle if Ava had ever seen one, and the ex-director would be damned if she allowed anyone to treat her girlfriend as less than such.

Her hands had fisted, nails digging into her palms, when Ava spoke again. “Well, they’re certainly not reviving anything.” She assorted in a stern voice. If this so-called Complex-Complex thought that it could turn her girlfriend into its personal puppet, then it had another thing coming. “Gideon, how long until you’ve traced their ship?”

The A.I.’s response was immediate. “Half an hour at most, Ms. Sharpe.”

Ava merely nodded just before she started walking again, heading to the fabrication room.

She didn’t stop even as she heard Zari’s voice, said woman trailing after her with the rest of the Legends. “Hey, wait a minute! Is this thing here equipped to go to space?” The former influencer questioned, gesturing widely at the area around her. “Gidget?”

The blond woman had no need to answer, as Gideon did so promptly. “It is, Ms. Tarazi. However, I would advise against making use of our time travel resources so long as we’re off Earth, whether through me or through a time courier.” The A.I. informed.

“Why?” It was Nora who asked, her voice sounding a little weary.

“The Waverider and the time couriers are not programmed to work with coordinates from outside of Earth.” Gideon informed. “A wrong number and all of you can-”

“End up suffocating and freezing in bloody space?” John interrupted the A.I. “This whole situation just keeps getting better, doesn’t it?” No one replied.

The team arrived at the fabrication room, and Ava took another deep breath. The ex-director then turned to the Legends, who had also stopped walking and were watching her. The quietness that settled into the room was tense, heavy, and it felt suffocating.

They were expecting orders, Ava realized. Because, although she was reluctant to let Gideon refer to her in that way, she was still the captain in Sara’s absence. And it didn’t matter that it shattered her from the inside out – because she had never accepted to be captain alone, not without her co-captain – the team depended on her now.

As if to confirm her thoughts, Mick broke the silence. He had been silent until then, and, with his usual nonchalant look, the ex-felon asked. “So, what’s the plan, Boss?”

Ava stared at him for a moment too long, finding herself thinking about how her relationship with the bald man had changed over time. Then, she looked around the room, finding every Legend staring at her with encouraging looks. A ghost of a smile appeared in her mouth in response.

She could do this – for the Legends.

For Sara.

**\- LOT -**

It took a little less than twenty minutes for Gideon to locate the Citadelian ship, but the way there was still a long one. Therefore, Ava started the preparations for the upcoming mission.

Ray, with Behrad's help, had been tasked with building the necessary weapons to fight the aliens, while the rest of the team continued to research the Citadelians and tried to come up with a battle strategy.

Time seemed to fly by them and, soon enough, it had been a few hours since the team had received Sara’s message. Gideon warned them that the enemy ship could be spotted at any time, and so the Legends gathered on the bridge again, positioned around the center console, discussing plans as they waited for something different to appear in the dark immensity of space.

It was at that moment that Ray returned to the bridge, Behrad right behind him. The scientist had something similar to a shotgun in his hands, but it was silver-colored, and a streak of bright green light ran across the barrel.

“I think I’ve got something!” He announced, walking towards Ava. The blonde met him halfway, raising both eyebrows in expectancy, and the man offered her the gun.

It was heavy, Ava noticed, although not enough to be a problem. It was also a little warm, but she had no time to think much about it, as Ray just started talking at rapid speed.

“I used the notes I have on Supergirl’s heat vision as a basis, since it seems to be effective against various types of aliens. It was tricky to build a machine that could produce the exact same effect, even more so such a small one, but I’ve managed to create-”

“Ray!” Nora interrupted him, although the fairy godmother kept a soft, loving look on her face as she stared at her husband. “Will it work?”

He smiled at her, heat rising to his cheeks. “It should.”

It was all Ava needed to hear. She nodded at the man, who beamed at her. Then, the blonde went back to her original position near the console, and both Ray and Behrad followed her.

“So, we’re all going to just invade the ship with these things?” Zari questioned, gesturing in Ava’s general direction, as the blonde was still holding the gun. The former celebrity had a frown on her face and pursed lips, looking like she had little faith in the weaponry.

Ava took a deep breath. Then, she said something she had been considering ever since the second Gideon voiced the possibily that the Citadelians weren’t affected by Earth magic. “Not all of us.” She stated. “Nora, John, Zari and Astra will stay on the Waverider.” The blonde closed her eyes, knowing what was coming next.

Just like she had imagined, the explosion of objections soon came.

“Hey, wait a minute!” Zari exclaimed, outraged. “You can’t just...”

Her voice was swallowed by Astra’s thunderous tone. “If you think you can simply...”

Then, Nora was speaking as well. “Ava!” The ex-witch exclaimed, and her tone of defiance spoke much more than any sentence could.

Constantine, for his part, took a step towards Ava. “You can’t bench us, Sharpie.”

“I’m not benching you.” Ava retorted. Then, she took a deep breath in order to keep calm. Nothing productive would come of snapping at John. “When we invade their ship, the Waverider will be vulnerable. If they manage to invade before we can return, they can set a trap for us and all of this will be _for nothing_ -”

She broke off, screwing her eyes shut, and took another deep breath. Any sense of calmness she’d ever had appeared to simply slip through her fingers more easily as the Waverider approached the Citadelian spaceship, and she couldn’t have that.

No, she couldn’t afford to lose control, not with this. She had to keep a level head. For Sara.

When she turned to John again, Ava forced her voice to come out calm, impassive, too similar to the days before she met Sara – before she knew what it was like to feel things – to be comfortable.

“Gideon said that the Citadelians aren’t affected by earthling magic, meaning that the three of you will be left without your greatest assets.” She stated, alternating her attention between Nora, John and Astra.

The fairy godmother opened her mouth to retort, but Ava was faster.

“I’m not benching you.” She repeated. “I just need you to stay on the ship and make sure it’s safe from those things. We’ll need our escape route to be clear when we rescue Sara.”

John looked like he wanted to argue, but, as soon as his eyes landed on Astra, the fight seemed to drain from him. The warlock wouldn’t argue against anything that could ensure that the ex-villain would be safe – _safer_. Astra, for her part, seemed less than satisfied, but, for whatever reason, she chose not to argue. Nora, in turn, sighed but ended up nodding.

Zari, on the other hand, came around the console and stopped in front of Ava.

“What about me?” The influencer asked, her voice filled with bravado. “I’m not a magic user.”

Ava pinched the bridge of her nose. “You have no experience with this type of mission, so you’ll be safer at the Waverider.” She stated in a methodical voice, almost mechanical.

The shorter woman’s eyes looked like a furious storm. “If you think I’m going to stay in this metal trap – no offense Gidget...”

“You didn't offend, Ms. Tarazi.” Gideon replied, while the influencer continued to speak, her eyes never once leaving Ava.

“Then you don’t know me, at all.” Zari declared. The ex-director opened her mouth to retort, but, before she could say anything, the other woman spoke again. “I just got my brother back, Ava. Wherever he goes, I go.”

Any argument she could provide died in Ava's tongue, and she remained silent when Behrad and John tried to interject at the same time.

“Zari...”

“Love...”

“No, this isn’t open to discussion.” Zari interrupted them both, sparing a quick look to each. Then, she turned to Ava again. “You can try arguing with me – that’ll get you nowhere, by the way – or you can accept what I say. Both options will have the same result. I won’t be left behind.”

Even if Ava hadn’t been too tired to argue, she wouldn't have. Because she knew all too well what it was like to want to protect someone she loved – even if she had failed to do so for Sara – and she would never take away Zari's chance to do that for her brother.

The ex-director sighed. “Fine. But you’ll stay with B or with me the entire time.”

Zari beamed at her, looking far too satisfied with herself. “I can live with that.”

Then, Ava dragged her attention away from Zari and to someone else. “Ray, I’ll need you in your Atom suit. If you shrink you should be able to access the ventilation system and move around the ship more easily, and we’ll have a better chance of finding Sara.”

He was quick to nod. “I can look for the control room and find out where everything is.” The tall man suggested. “If the Citadelians are as mindless as we were led to believe, it shouldn’t be hard.”

“Do you need backup?” Ava asked, and she watched as his gaze found Nora’s for a brief moment, concern dripping from his face. The ex-director nodded to herself before speaking. “You’ll shrink Nora and take her with you, then.”

The couple looked surprised, but both nodded, seeming grateful for the change in plans. Ava then turned to John and Astra.

“Do the two of you think you can hold the fort by yourselves?” She received fast agreement from both. “Good. You’ll stand guard at the entrance. Anything that tries to come this way, make it go back or destroy it.”

But destroying was preferable, if only to quiet the fury that burned in Ava's chest.

“What about us?” Nate chimed in, and the ex-director looked at him for a second. Then, she eyed Mick and, after that, Behrad. They were the only ones she had not assigned roles to.

“We-”

Gideon interrupted her. “Pardon the interruption, Ms. Sharpe, but I’m detecting the presence of a nearby spaceship.” The A.I. informed.

“Is it the Citadelian ship?” Behrad asked, looking at the ceiling.

“Yes, Mr. Tarazi.”

All eyes turned to Ava, and the ex-director took a deep breath. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

**\- LOT -**

If Ava claimed to remember everything that happened next in perfect detail, she’d be lying. After the Waverider fired at the Citadelian ship and the Legends invaded, reality became a blur of large dark creatures, green laser beams and identical corridors.

There was, however, one thing clear in her mind. Two, actually.

Sara, and the pain that cut through her chest when she found her love chained to a wall.

"Guard the door." Ava ordered almost unconsciously, not bothering to turn around to see if Nate, Mick, Zari and Behrad would follow the order.

The ex-director dropped her gun and crossed the cell in long, fast steps; her gaze never leaving the unconscious figure at the back of the room. Her heart hammered ruthlessly in her chest, and tears blurred her vision. She took the shorter woman’s face in between her shaking hands.

“Sara?” Ava called, but she got nothing more than a half-conscious grunt.

The sound made the taller blonde’s stomach churn, and her heart felt like it was constricting inside her chest. She dragged her gaze to the lashing that held the ex-assassin to the wall.

“Nate!” The ex-director called and, a mere second later, the steel man came running towards her. “Help me get her out of here.” He nodded and put the gun he was holding on the floor. Then, the historian turned to Sara.

It took less than a minute for the metahuman to break the chains, and, as Sara started to fall to the floor, Ava caught her. The ex-director hugged her tightly, never wanting to be away from her ever again, burying her face in the shorter-woman’s hair, feeling the familiar smell fill her nostrils.

Because she’d found Sara. _She had found Sara_ , and she had no intention of losing her again.

“I must say, this is a touching reunion.” The sound of an inhuman voice, which had spoken only a few times since the Legends invaded the spaceship, made Ava’s body tense. She tightened her arms around Sara, holding the ex-assassin close. “It is almost a shame that it will not last.”

Ava clenched her teeth, but it was Mick, who was standing at the door, who spoke. “Shut the hell up, voice thingy, before I decide to barbecue you.” The familiar sound of the man’s flamethrower gun filled the room.

Laughter echoed through the cell, no more human-like than the voice that had previously spoken, and soon, words were said in a language that none of the Legends could understand.

Ava felt Sara stiffen in her arms, but whatever happiness she felt at seeing the ex-assassin awake shattered when the captain hit her on the ribs with her elbow, making her take a step back, right before she punched the ex-director in the face.

Blood spurted from Ava’s nose, and a familiar kind of pain went up its bridge. She put a hand to her injury but kept her eyes on her girlfriend.

“Sara, what...?” She started to ask, but she ended up interrupting herself when the shorter woman tried to attack her again. Ava dodged the blow just a second before it hit her face. “Sara, stop! It’s me!” There was no answer other than another jab, which, again, the ex-director dodged.

Nate rushed to the couple. “Cap, what’re you doing?!” He exclaimed, steel arms wrapping around the captain’s waist as he held her in place. She tried to elbow his face, but it had little result against his metal body. Still, she kept trying. “Hey, Sara, stop! It’s me! Nate! Remember me?”

She didn’t, and Ava was sure of it the moment she failed to detect a single drop of recognition on those beautiful blue eyes. Dread filled her chest, and the ex-director stood there, paralyzed, staring as the woman she loved tried and failed to get out of Nate’s hold.

Suddenly, the desimbodied voice spoke again. “She was a worthy project, I admit.” Smugness dripped from every word, and Ava never wished for someone she hated to that degree to be alive so much, if only so that the ex-director could punch it until she could no longer feel her own hands.

She looked at the ceiling, gritting her teeth. “What have you done to her?”

“I simply made her more obedient.” Complex-Complex replied. “It was not as hard as she led me to believe it would be.”

Ava’s hand balled into fists, nails digging into her palms, and her eyes shot daggers at the ceiling. She didn’t think she’d ever wanted to kill someone as much as she did now.

But her own need for revenge wasn’t important, not now. All that mattered was Sara.

The ex-director turned to her girlfriend, seeing her still trying to elbow Nate in the face. A horrible bruise was already forming where the skin collided against the metal, but the short blonde didn’t seem to have any intention of stopping. The ex-assassin looked like... like a robot, following orders with no thought of her own.

She looked like one of the Advanced Variant Automations in 2213.

It made Ava’s breath hitch, and she took a step toward her girlfriend, an idea flashing in her mind. “Nate, she’s hurting herself! Let go!” She asked, and the historian looked at her with wide silver eyes.

“But, Ava-”

“Just do it.” She interrupted him. “Trust me.”

The ex-director took a deep breath, holding the metahuman’s gaze. She had no way of knowing if her plan would work, but it was worth a shot. It had worked once, after all – on Ava herself, once upon a time.

Although reluctant, the historian released the ex-assassin, who wasted no time in throwing herself at Ava. The taller blonde took a step back just in time to dodge the jab that came her way.

“Sara.” She called, but no recognition crossed the captain’s eyes as she threw another punch, which Ava also dodged. “Sara, look at me!” The ex-director screamed, and the sudden thunderous sound forced her girlfriend to look at her, finally.

The captain’s blank blue eyes narrowed, and Ava raised her hands in surrender.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” The ex-director stated. “I made you a promise.”

‘ _Because as far as I’m concerned, we are co-captains for life._ ’

‘ _Always._ ’

Something flickered in Sara’s eyes, but it was gone too soon for Ava to be sure that if it had been real. The ex-assassin threw another punch, and this one hit the taller woman right in the chin, and _fuck_ , did it hurt.

Ava tasted blood in her tongue and was quick to spit it out. She put a hand on the wall for support, and then she looked up in time to see Nate approaching Sara from behind again, probably to hold her back one more time. The ex-director raised her free hand in a stop motion.

“Nate, don’t!”

He was quick to retort, sounding desperate. “Ava, she’s hurting you!”

“It’s okay!” The blonde assured him, moving away from her position just in time to dodge another one of Sara’s punches. “Sara!” She tried again, to no avail, as the ex-assassin kept attacking her.

“It is not going to work.” Complex-Complex stated, his smugness becoming more aggravating.

“Shut up!” Mick retorted. “No one asked you!”

Not for the first time, Ava felt grateful for the man. Still, he wasn’t the one she was focused on.

Instead, the ex-director focused on grabbing Sara’s wrist when the captain’s fist was just about to hit her in the face again, and, when the shorter woman tried to punch her with her free hand, Ava caught the other wrist too. It was considerably easier than it’d have been if the ex-assassin had been in control of her own actions – maybe downright impossible –, but it had worked.

Ava stared at those blank blue eyes, trying to find the woman she loved inside them. “Sara, it’s me. Ava. Your girlfriend.” She tried, but the shorter woman simply stared at her. “You know, the idiot who was too drunk to realize that you were abducted. And I’m so sorry, Sara. I really am.”

The ex-assassin stopped moving, and her head tilted to the side in the slightest sign of curiosity.

“I can apologize for the rest of my life and it’ll never be enough.” Ava continued, feeling the tears starting to gather in her eyes. “I know that. But, Sara, I love you so much, and I need you to come back to me. You’re my co-captain, remember? Always.”

That had been the last word Sara had said on the message, and repeating it seemed to have some effect. The ex-assassin frowned and looked away, like someone trying to recall something.

Ava found herself smiling, hopeful. Finally, she released her girlfriend's wrists.

"Do you really want to hurt me, Sara?" She asked, feeling hope starting to bubble in her chest.

Sara looked at her again, eyes filled with confusion. “You...” She dragged the word, her voice raw.

Ava’s small smile widened a bit. “Yeah, it’s me. Ava.”

“A-va.” Sara repeated slowly, like she was trying to figure out how it sounded in her own voice.

But the happiness of hearing her girlfriend saying her name was short-lived. Ava's smile faded when, suddenly, Complex-Complex's voice sounded again, talking in that same language that only it understood. Sara stood still for a second, paralyzed as she gazed at the taller woman, before her body bent and her hands went to her head, fingers tangling in her own hair.

A piercing scream tore at the ex-assassin's throat.

“Sara!” Ava screamed, and she tried to reach her girlfriend, but, suddenly, all the air was expelled from her lungs and pain erupted in her back when she found herself on the floor, an uncomfortable weight on top of her. The ex-director looked up, seeing one of those creatures, a Citadelian, staring at her.

The alien grabbed her wrists, keeping her pinned to the floor, and the sound of metal being crushed told her that Nate had had a similar fate – but what about Mick, Zari and Behrad? They had been guarding the door. What had happened to them?

Before Ava could look, Complex-Complex’s desimbodied voice caught her attention. “It was a very interesting scene; I have to admit.” It said. “Still, useless.”

“Then why did you order your minions to stop us?” Ava challenged, feeling the Citadelian’s hold on her wrist tighten painfully in response.

“I admit that my impatience got the better of me.” Complex-Complex stated, his voice filled with no more interest than that of someone talking about the weather. “I am anxious to put into practice the plans I have for you.”

Ava felt a chill go down her spine. “For me?”

“Yes, of course.” The desimbodied voice replied. “What I saw in your Sara’s memory was indeed very interesting. You are a clone, if I am not mistaken. And I usually am not.”

Ava’s eyes widened, and she opened her mouth to reply, but no sound came out.

The alien continued to talk. “You are a clone who has not lost its ability to think. And that is an attribute that greatly interests me, as you must understand. I will need to carry out some experiments to determine how to replicate this result. Of course, I do not need you to be alive for that.”

As if on cue, the Citadelian on top of Ava released her wrist and used its now free hand to punch her in the face with perplexing force. Her head turned to the side, throbbing at the strength of the blow, and her eyes found Sara’s form again.

The captain was on her knees, fingers digging into her own scalp, with her mouth open as she continued to scream. There were tears streaming from her eyes when they found Ava.

Then, another punch was thrown against the face of the ex-director, who felt the world spin around her. Everything was beginning to become blurred, incoherent, like something straight out of some dream – or a nightmare, most probably. Then, another punch came, and another, and another.

And it was a small mercy, Ava thought, that the last thing she’d see before she died was Sara.

**\- LOT –**

She opened her eyes slowly, unsure, to find an unknown room. Then again, nothing else was quite familiar as of late. Maybe nothing had ever been.

She was sitting in a chair that was angled strangely, leaving her almost lying down. The surface was hard and somewhat uncomfortable, and she soon moved to get up, feeling a dull ache in her body. Her head was throbbing.

Then, suddenly, two people appeared in front of her – two men.

“Sara, you’re awake!” One of them exclaimed, beaming. This one was the tallest of the pair, and he had black hair and brown eyes, and there was a cut on his lip.

 _Sara_. Why did that name sound familiar?

“How are you feeling, Cap?” The other man soon asked, a small smile on his face, despite the deep dark circles around his eyes and the dark bruise that painted the entire right side of his face. This one had lighter hair and eyes than the other, and he reached out to try and touch her shoulder.

She flinched in her chair, and the man froze. He turned to his companion, and she took the chance to look away.

It was then that she saw her. There was another person in the room – another woman. Said woman, a tall blonde, was sitting in a chair similar to hers, just beside her. Her chest rose and fell in regular intervals, and her eyes were closed. Dark bruises and swelling made her face unrecognizable.

Something inside her ached, and her fingers tingled to touch this unknown woman.

Then, someone broke the silence again, the man with darker hair. “Sara?”

There it was. That name again. Why did they keep saying it?

She turned to the duo in front of her, finding them both staring at her with frowns, the smiles long gone. Neither said another word, as if waiting for her to answer, to say something, anything.

And so, she did. “Who’s Sara?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, some of you asked for another chapter, and here it is. but I couldn't wrap everything up in this one, so there'll be another coming as well. a last one.
> 
> I really hope you've enjoyed this. I don't know if it's any good, my mind keeps screaming at me that it sucks, but, still, at least I tried, I think. please, tell me if there are any mistakes and, if you liked something in here, tell me about it too. I'd love to hear it
> 
> oh, and guess what? this wannabe writer right here has made a twitter account! y'all can go scream at me or send me prompts in there. it's @capsaraIancelot (the first L is actually an I, just so you don't get confused). I don't know, follow me? I'll follow back. I've been watching lot for quite some time, but I literally don't know a single person in the fandom, so yeah. that's it
> 
> uh, so, again, I hope this is to your liking. if it's not, I'm really, really sorry
> 
> thanks for reading. see ya!

**Author's Note:**

> so, the finale destroyed me and I needed to vent in the form of fanfiction. by the way, if you know of any other fanfics about either Ava or Sara dealing with abduction thing, please send me the link
> 
> I was considering making this into a two-shot. the other chapter would follow Sara's point of view while she was kidnapped, leading to her sending the message. if you like this, please tell me, and I'll see if I can indeed write another chapter
> 
> please tell me if there are any mistakes. english isn't my first language.
> 
> thanks for reading! I hope you liked this


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